Having a baby (or babies) in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) or Special Care Nursery, especially for an extended amount of time, is a very difficult and emotional time for new parents. On one hand, there is the joy of the much anticipated birth, on the other there is the over-whelming fear and anxiety. Throw in the disappointment of not having the baby in your room and come home from the hospital and some post-natal hormones, and that makes for one heck of a roller coaster. Even now, 18 months after my little ones came home I have a difficult time thinking about them those first couple of weeks and I never let myself go down the "what-could-have -happened" road.
If you have a friend or relative going through this difficult time you might not know how to react, and they might not be a big help. I know my emotions were going from elated one second, to complete depression the next, with he biggest emotion, fear lurking but never acknowledged. So when friends and well-wishers called they never really knew who would be on the other end of the line.
As a friend or relative, what can you do?
Visit
This is still the birth of a new baby or babies. The parents are really proud and if you can visit the NICU, make it a point to do so. It will help break up the routine for Mom and Dad and also allow them to show off their little bundle(s).
Visiting the NICU can be intimidating. There will be rules you will need to follow and you'll see other, sicker babies. It can be difficult to see babies hooked up to machines and facing uncertain futures. The parents will know that you are making this extra effort and sacrifice so the visit will mean even more to them.
Also, having a baby in the NICU can be a very lonely experience. Most new parents are surrounded by visitors, but parents with babies in the NICU are often avoided by friends and family who are uncertain how to act. It doesn't matter if you don't know what to say, just being there will be enough.
Gifts
Just as with the birth of any baby, you may want to send/bring a gift for the parents and baby. Any gift would be appreciated. (See related article listed below.) If you're looking for ideas that would be specific to parents with babies in the NICU here are a few suggestions:
- Disposable camera. These are nice to leave at the hospital. The nurses will take pictures if the babies do something cute when the parents aren't there. And the parents can also use it to get pictures of the babies and their care-givers.
- Gift basket of snacks. Someone sent us a cookie gift basket. We opened it up and kept it on the table at home. After spending 8 hours in the hospital, it was great to have a delicious snack just waiting for us when we walked in the door.
- Books. We brought some baby books to the hospital and started reading to them there. This was a great way to interact with them when we couldn't hold them and there was nothing else to do but watch them sleep.
- Lotion. When you have a baby in the NICU you have to wash your hands a lot, (it's required) and use that anti-bacterial gel. This can do a real number on your hands. After the four weeks I was there, my hands were like scales. They hurt all the time.
- Nice water bottle and/or snack bars. When women are nursing or pumping breast milk it is important that they have a lot of protein and calories and stay hydrated. This can be a problem when you're spending your time so far from the fridge. Any nutritious food items that can be easily tossed in a bag and eaten on the run are a thoughtful idea.
- Gift card. The baby may end up with some special needs that the parents hadn't predicted. A gift card to a store like Babies R Us can definitely be used. If nothing else, they can buy diapers and wipes in bulk.
Having a baby in the NICU can mean many different things. Some babies will be sicker than others. Gage each situation on its own merits. But no matter what, letting the new parents know that they are in your thoughts can only help them in a difficult time.
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